A Toilet Tale

I just found this gem as I was going through some old documents. This was written as an entry for some sweepstakes by a bathroom related object a little over a year and a half ago. Enjoy!

Sure, my one-year-old likes to eat toilet paper. And yes, she thinks the water in the toilet is her own personal pool. But this toilet tale is not about her. My three-year-old has a mini-toilet in his room to use at nap and at night. One day, during naptime, I heard a lot of movement upstairs. I went up to discover, yes he used the potty, but he was completely naked, the floor buried in pooped covered wipes and the poop was nowhere to be found. I asked him where it was and he told me “I put it outside.” Wondering what he really meant, I cleaned up the mess and put him back to bed. When he woke up from his nap, I was met in the room by a wave of stench. I hunted through the room for the source of the smell while my son kept repeating, “Mom, the poop is outside.” After one last sweeping look of the room, I noticed a small spot on the window frame between the frame and the AC unit. I opened the window to find, my son was telling the truth. Squeezed through the gap, the poop was outside.


So you can see just how adorable they were a year and a half ago:

PT at 1

The Politician at 3

 I could write a book on PT and toilet related tales...

Kid Spa Day, Not so Relaxing

Growing up, I vowed to myself, that if I ever had a daughter I would let her grow her hair long if she wanted too. I vowed not to cut her hair into the "bowl cut." Everyone knows the hair cut. My sisters and I all had it. the look where it seems the "stylist" sat a bowl on your head and trimmed around the bottom.

Well, all my vowing was in vain. My daughter, PT, has a new do.

The kids were being so nice and quiet on Tuesday morning. PT had joined the boys in their room and they were all laughing and talking together. Even the Enforcer was adding in his coos. About 10-15 minutes after I heard them all wake up, PT comes in to see me to ask for something. And I see it. Or don't see it. Her hair that was past her shoulders when she went to bed is gone on one side of her head. Yup, chopped off. Not there. And she tells me, "I need to throw my hair away, my brother cut it so no more tangles." Well great.

PT has pretty fine hair which tangles quite easily and I had been asking her if she wanted to make it a little shorter, but apparently the Politician has some persuasive skills of his own. He had gotten out a pair of their craft scissors and chopped off a few inches of his sister's hair on various places on her head. Not such a good look.

Politician's Scissor Skillwork

Kinda like half a mullet

Back after I fixed it. 

So before breakfast we got to fix that up. Luckily I was able to keep some of the length in the back (it's about to the nape of her neck), but she has some pretty short bangs now.


Now, I thought we were done with the spa adventure for the day, but PT had other ideas.

For the first time in awhile I got all 3 kiddos down for a nap at the same time. AND they were all quiet! I should have known this was a bad sign. I went up to check on them and the boys were both resting quietly (the Politician wasn't asleep, but he was reading quietly.)

As I opened PT's bedroom door I heard her scurrying around trying to hide something. She had gone into my room and pulled out pink and purple nail polish and tried to paint her finger and toe nails. Surprisingly, there wasn't paint all over much besides her. She didn't spill the bottles or pour them on herself. I looked like she really had tried to use the nail polish brush.

After cleaning her up with A LOT of nail polish remover, we had a good talk that I'm sure had little to no effect. (Evidence: 2 days later she had found the small bottle of baby powder in our room and poured it all over herself and her bed. At least it smelled nice in there...)

My last spa day was much more enjoyable then the Day at the Kid Inspired Spa...

What's a Little Pee Among Friends

Here's a little laugh for you:

A few of the of neighborhood kids were over in our backyard playing with the Politician and PT while I watched from the kitchen window making dinner. I had the window open since the weather has been AMAZING and then I could hear while my eyes were busy elsewhere.

All of a sudden I hear "WHAT ARE HE DOING?!?!" from the little girl who lives next door to us. I look outside and I see the Politician pulling his pants back up. Yup, that's right, back up.

So I call him inside and he tells me he "just had to pee." Apparently the bathroom, that he past on his way to come talk to me, is too far to walk too. He proceeds to tell me that one of the Dad's friends pees outside and that makes it ok. I assure him that it is not ok to pee in the backyard and send him back out with his friends.

I then call the Dad an relay this story and learn that on their disc golf adventure over the weekend, where the Politician accompanied the Dad and friends around a few courses (most at State Parks,) they would pee in the woods. When the Dad came home from work, he had a nice talk with our oldest son about when it is ok to pee outside. Oh the joys of boys!

Vomit is Never Convenient

Moving, itself, is not fun. Where you are moving to, the opportunities available where ever you are going maybe fun and exciting, but the actual packing, looking for a new place, leaving the old place and all the cleaning in between is not fun. Then add a few sick kids. Awesome right?

For the past few weeks we have been looking for a new place to call home in hopes that we could be in said new place before The Dad starts his new job. All was well until we put an application in on a property. Then we were in the "waiting place." While in the "waiting place," a lot of thinking happens (or doesn't sometimes.) Thinking and worrying, in my case. Especially after the obligatory 3 day waiting period and still no word yea or nay. The I start getting antsy and begin to worry about a back up plan. As part of this back up plan, we decided to go look at a few more places late in the today.

Looking back there were signs that we should have stayed home: relator called while we're driving over to tell us two of the properties still have tenants and need more notice to be shown, two others do not allow pets (though why they don't make a note of that on the public pages I have no idea,) one other has been rented already, leaving only one property to see. (Which when we went wasn't even high enough on The Dad's list that I didn't get out of the car, I stayed and fed the Enforcer.)

So we see the ONE property and now everyone is hungry and a bit cranky so we head out for a nice dinner. (Mistake number two for the evening, we should have just gone to Chick-fil-a, but that's a post for another day.) Everyone eats a bit, though I might have been the only one who semi-enjoyed myself. Got everyone back in the car and headed for home.

Now, let me give you a few facts about the Bay Bridge. It is one of the longest over water structures in the world at 4.2 miles long. It is actually two side by side bridges. There is no where to pull over on the bridge or for over a mile after getting off the bridge. On this bridge is where PT began vomiting.

The Politician is hollering from the back seat "Stop, stop! She's Sick!" I immediately begin looking for a place to pull over, knowing full well there is no such place. And as the poor little girl empties her stomach the smell makes it's way to the front of the van. Vicious. Pink lemonade does not smell good on the way back out. Whoa. Though apparently it does not bother the Politician because he kept asking us to close the windows back up.

Luckily, I keep a change of clothes for everyone in the van (except the adults, though I've been meaning to change that because you never know when it would be good to have a spare shirt in the car.) We pulled over at the first gas station and cleaned PT off, changed her, and got as much out of the carseat as possible. It was here I was informed that the Politician had bug bites on his tush and I would need to see them when we got home. Glorious.

The remainder of our drive was fortunately uneventful.

Get PT in her bed and check out these bug bites of the Politician's. NOT BUG BITES. At first we think it might be some kind of rash, possibly poison ivy. Quickly, went to check PT and she's fine. The Politician has some kind of itchy blotches all over his legs, butt, back, arms and even one on his face. So he gets stuck in the tub with some oatmeal, while I freak out accordingly. We go through the whole day and evening and cannot figure out where he got this rash or what it is from. Our best guess is there was some thing at dinner with milk in it and he's having an allergic reaction. So he got a dose of benadril, some anti-itch cream and he catches a ride on the dreamland express.

All in all a terribly unproductive evening because in my inbox when we got home is a note from the realtor that our application has been approved. Awesome.