Impossible => I'm Possible

Wow, nothing like a good quote to get you thinking, right? I came across this gem while wasting time on Pinterest (one of the great time sucks of the modern age.) Since reading it, I can't seem to get the phrase out of my mind. I don't think I have used the word "impossible" unless I was telling myself "it's not impossible."

How often do we feel that even the simplest task are impossible? What about the phrase "I can't?" I feel like all too often I hear myself saying "I just.... can't" usually in response to an everyday hiccup when I'm at the end of my rope. Where did this attitude of defeat come from? "It's impossible, I just can't, I will never be able to." It carries over from those daily road bumps into my long term goals, or lack of those goals. I can become defeated before I even begin.

True, there are things I will not do because I know there are limitations because of my skill set and on my time due to responsibilities and previous choices that dictate most of my day to day life. I won't sing on Broadway in my twenties (playing Annie is out,) being an Olympian isn't in my life path, and having a spin 'n span house for more then twenty minutes won't be happening this year. But, I can belt out "Tomorrow" and "It's a Hard Knock Life" to my kids and they might clap, I can push myself to finish a race a few seconds faster and raise my arms high across the line, and I can enjoy a clean home for a few minutes. With a shift in perspective on location/stage/arena, I can feel like I accomplished things I thought to be "impossible."

"Can't" is a bad word in our house. Whenever I hear my kids using it, we try to change the phrase around to "I can ____, but I need some help." Asking for help is a difficult thing, even for kids who may require a lot! But as adults, us moms in particular, there is a barrier where we feel we didn't accomplish the task if we receive assistance. Sometimes it seems easier just to not start in the first place. It can feel so overwhelming and daunting. When you don't start, you can't fail right? But you won't grow, you won't learn, you won't succeed. And the personal joy of succeeding, even after setbacks and course alterations, is a priceless feeling.

There are so many stories about people overcoming situations that seem impossible. So You Think You Can Dance? often has guest dancers with disabilities. AXIS Dance Company, a company comprised of dancers with and without physical disabilities, has been featured on multiple seasons. There was a contestant on The Glee Project this year who is blind with a powerful singing voice and he was able to pick up choreography faster then some of the other contestants. Then there is always the inspirational story of Helen Keller. These people have overcome what others would think of as impossible and achieved.

Recently, I keep coming back to how this pertains to running specifically. In the beginning, it's easy to say I can't run a marathon, 5 miles is impossible for me, or running a mile yeah, no. The hard part is getting up early or heading to the gym when you would rather relax at home. Pushing yourself to be better. Urging your body forward. (Forward is a pace!) Finding motivation when you feel down. My sister-in-law, who recently started running, mentioned in passing that she "can't run more then three miles." And right now, that is probably partially true. Going out and running many miles straight, at a pace that feels faster then walking, isn't the smartest idea when just starting out. Start small, increasing your distance in a smart way (following a training plan is a great idea,) and overtime (ah, patience) you will find yourself in mile 4 and ready to go more. If that's what you want. You have to want it and you have to choose to put in the time or it won't happen, but just because you haven't, doesn't mean you can't. 

If you feel yourself starting the phrase "I can't," finish it with the word "yet." You're right, at this moment you may not be able to complete the task in the manner you hope to eventually. But with time, training, help, patience and sometimes a little bit of imagination it's not impossible.

"I choose it for me."

I told myself to wait until we went to the beach at the end of the month, but I couldn't wait and started reading Train Like a Mother: How to Get Across Any Finish Line -and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity by Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea(SBS) a few days ago. I love it because the chapters are short enough to finish one before someone needs me and long enough that I feel like I really gained a bit of something. All the added snippets mean I can pick up anywhere after someone (read - PT) takes out my bookmark and find a quick gem of knowledge.

Today I was into the second chapter and I read something that made me put down the book and write this post. I was immediately inspired and reaffirmed about my whole goal. Warmth spread through me as I read Dimity's words and I was amazed how her declaration spoke so clearly to me. "I choose it for me." 


I did it. For me. I made the choice to put me first. That seeming small action has produced such a hugely wonderful change in me and my life. Something so simple. A choice. Not an easy choice, it has taken more work then I thought I had time for. Not a one time choice, every day the same choice presents itself albeit a touch differently sometimes. But a good choice, a smart choice, a healthy choice? Yes. And you would be hard pressed to find a moving mom who speaks to the contrary.

Running has done more for me in these past eight and a half months then I would had thought possible.  In one of my earliest MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) meetings,a mom mentioned that when the kids nap, she only does things for her. Selfish? A little. Greedy? Maybe. Necessary? Most definitely. Of course I tried it, and I still do, but the time that I got the most out of nap-time/me-time was when I started working out on the Wii after PT was born. Somewhere I lost that, but I've found it again in running. Me-time. 

If you are on the fence about me-time, Dimity says it better then I can:

"If it sounds like training is self-centered and narcissistic, it completely is. But if you're like 95 percent of the mothers out there, you deserve-and are in definite need of-some me time. And in case it feels too greedy, consider this argument: If you are the linchpin of your family, you need to be healthy enough to fulfill your duties. You must take care of yourself, because, the sad truth is, nobody else is going to take care of you. Plus, if you're dragging and sad and bitter-which you might be if you're always last on your list-your emotional state will negatively affect your house and family."

For along time, I felt, and often told my husband, I was the bottom of the totem pole all the time. I was of the opinion that my needs and wants didn't mean much and I would find myself stuck in a downhill sprint of feeling down on me while tending to everyone else's needs. Putting in some miles, sweat, pain, and, most valuably, time has made me feel healthier. Not only physically, because I can run MILES (yup, plural) without intense effort, but mentally I am stronger. The relief of only focusing on me has increase my patience though out the day. Which as a mom, is vital and invaluable.

As moms it is easy to feel responsible for everyone and everything all the time. When a chip falls out of place and the tower comes crashing down we can feel completely responsible, regardless of if it is in anyway our fault or of our control. I know I do, often. The feeling that we should always be in control of the situation with our kids, our spouse, the state of the house, the dog, the weather (sometimes we can be a bit unreasonable, no?) can be overwhelming. Getting a good sweat on during some me-time helps me to let go of all of it, if just for a little while. A chance to allow myself to surrender to the idea that I am worth my time. And my time is valuable. But I am worth it. In my surrender, I have found a peace I didn't think possible and is still a struggle to find some days. It is coming easier though. And it's easiest to find after a long, uninterrupted morning run. 

Wanna be a Runner?

When I first considered this whole running idea, I did what, I think, most other people do. I googled it. I googled barefoot running, running clothes (because that is an easily attainable aspect of running; I might not be fast, but I look good doing it, well at least my clothes look good,) an easy running diet (an easy diet...right,) running moms, and I tried to find a running group in the area. In one of my many nap-time searches, I happened upon Another Mother Runner. This is a site produced by two moms, Dimity McDowell and Sarah Bowen Shea(SBS), who have created an amazing virtual environment for moms who hit the pavement. Along with the website, they have penned two books (more on one of them later,) raise their voices on a podcast, and you can follow them both on twitter.

At first, I was intimidated by this group of running women. Sure, none of them knew anything about me and I knew nothing about them. But they were runners and I wasn't. In my mind, I wasn't even close. Dimity and SBS seemed so far ahead of me on the race track that it was overwhelming and I honestly, didn't think I would ever be able to relate. I even downloaded the sample of Run Like a Mother: How to Get Moving -and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity, but I just felt that I was so different from them. They're fast, I'm slow; they're fit, I'm flabby; they're (insert desired adjective here), I'm the opposite. I wasn't ready to accept that "I can do this, I can be a runner." So I kept the website in the back of my mind to check later if this running thing was something I actually enjoyed doing. 

Fast forward to the ZOOMA Half and 10K a month ago. This 10K was to be my sixth race of the year. Half way through my race a month all year and I finally felt ready. I had finished my first half the month before and I was really beginning to feel like a runner. The Another Mother Runner ladies were giving a talk at packet pick-up that I was ready to hear. I found myself entranced by these to women who, just the idea of them, had intimidated me just months before. As I listened, I felt myself understanding and relating to so many of their stories. I remembering thinking "I can be like them, I am like them." 

Before I left the mini-expo, I picked up a copy of their new book, Train Like a Mother: How to Get Across Any Finish Line -and Not Lose Your Family, Job, or Sanity and they were both so gracious to sign it for me. As I said my name "with an H" like I always do, Dimity added "that's the only way, right?" as she glanced at SBS and we all chuckled. 

The next morning at the race I fell in beside Dimity and Cynthia. (Read all about Cynthia's amazing story here.) They were both running the half, but I ran with them until the 10K turn around. My only goal for the 10K was to run the whole thing. And thanks to Dimity and Cynthia in the beginning I did.

The group of "runners" seemed to be such an elite group before getting out there and setting my feet on the pavement. I know I'm not fast by any stretch, but I can see improvements. When I look back at where I was when I started, I am amazed and proud of my progress. Running has become something I enjoy, I look forward too, and I crave terribly when I miss more then one.

I recently heard a quote: "The difference between a runner and a jogger is a runner has a race number." I may not win any races, I might be towards the back of the pack, and I might even stop to walk (once, twice, ok fine, a handful of times,) but I am a runner. I have joined the group. And when I pin on my next racing bib, I hope to remember to run my own race at my own pace and that will be a big win.

5 down 7 to go (aka My 1st Half Marathon!!)

It has taken me a few days (ok a week and a half almost) to be ready to write about the Pittsburgh Half Marathon on May 6th. I was trying to let it all sink in. (Well that and find a few quiet minutes to type, haha.)

Leading up to the race, all the way to the starting line, runners kept telling me "just wait till you cross that finish line. You are going to feel amazing. Finishing your first one, it's the best feeling." Yeah, I didn't get that. Sure, I felt good about completing 13.1 miles on foot, but there was no amazing revelation, no intense feeling, no choir of angels. I was feeling a lot of things at the finish (mostly exhaustion), but I didn't get that "best feeling" vibe people had been telling me about.

Did have a really great time during the race though! (Minus some aches and pains and a whole lot of heat.) Bands, spectators, bridges and some really great views. And the weather wasn't to bad either!

They recommended getting to the starting area by 5:30 and the race started at 7:30. The Dad drove me down and dropped me off just after 6 am and that was more then enough time. (Side note, not a good time to find oneself in need of feminine products, that was an adventure.) Some of the roads near the start/finish had already been closed, but most of the race course was being closed off starting at 6:30. After getting all situated, I stood in the bathroom line for quite a long time with a large group of new friends. They had port-a-potties all over and there were lines at every group. There were also lines at all the port-a-potties on the race course, except maybe the ones closer to the finish.

I got myself all turned around trying to find the gear check. On everyone's bib there was a section you could tear off with a large hole in one end. The tag had your runner number on it and could be looped through the hole to attach to your gear check bag. I found it quite clever, but then it was 6:30 in the morning and I had been up for a few hours already.

Waiting for the start in Corral E

After gear check, I found my corral. Corral E. The back of the pack. Everyone seemed to be really excited nervous. Groups of people lined both sides of the street with signs encouraging their runners and pointing and cheering as we all got started moving. I say got started moving not running, because the gun goes off (I guess it did, I didn't actually hear it) and everyone starts cheering and slowly moving forward. As the corrals in front start the race, we all herd forward. I passed the starting line about 20 minutes after the gun time.

One of the first bands I passed along the course started playing "Enter Sandman" as soon as I came into earshot. I don't think I could have gotten more pumped up. As a Hokie, that song made me feel like an athlete like nothing else could. (This song plays as the Hokie Football team enters Lane Stadium at VT.) It was AWESOME!

From reading on Dick's Sporting Goods Pittsburgh Marathon's Facebook page, I was expecting great crowds and amazing volunteers. Pittsburgh did not disappoint. I enjoyed the various Batman's, the Hulk, and a few bananas along the course. Being towards the back of the pack, I was actually able to see a few signs more then once (people would move further down the course after everyone passed by.) Here are a few of my favorites:

The course took us over 5 bridges crossing over Pittsburgh's three rivers in various places. The bridges were definitely one of the highlights for me. I have been riding in cars over them longer then I can remember and to experience them and their views on foot was amazing. Gorgeous. There were a few spectators on the bridges, but my favorite groups was right before the Duquesne Incline. It was a group students in a local high school's Army JROTC. Them standing as a group reminded me of all of those mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, daughters and sons, serving in our military. Each one of the students had their hand out and I gave each one a high five as I ran past. They gave me such a boost just when I needed it.

Photo's crossing each of the five bridges:

It was such a relief to make it on to the last bridge. I was talking to a woman as we walked along and we were sharing our relief that we weren't going to get picked up by the sweep for being to slow. Half Marathoners had to be off the bridge under the 3.5 hour time limit and once we got on we knew we were fine.

Just after crossing the last bridge.

I had the tracking information sent to my phone, and the Dad's, so I would know how I was doing while I raced. (I keep my phone in a wrist wallet while I run. Check them out here: Sprigs Banjees Wrist Wallets.) It was really helpful! I knew how I was pacing at the 10K (6.2 miles) and 11.2 mile marks. I slowed down a bit between the two, but I was able to gain a few minutes back before the finish.

Now for some stats:
I finished at 10:50 am in 3:00:45! That's a 13:47 per mile pace. I came in 10900th (out of 12142) over all and 1538th (out of 1702) in my division, women 25-29. Interesting note, there were more women then men. In the half marathon, there were 4699 men and 7443 women.

This was one good cookie.

With my feet on fire and my knee complaining as loud as possible, I walked down the finishers chute where people hand you things. First you get your finishers medal and then can get a finishers' photo taken. You pass on through and get a heat shield (which not many people really needed since it was so warm) and then some goodies: a Panera Bagel, a bag of Cape Cod chips, a Dole fruit cup, water, and an Eat N' Park Smiley Cookie. I walked around for a few minutes in a daze trying to find a place to sit down and munch for a few minutes before getting my bag from gear check. The grass felt awesome. The ground has never felt so good.

I picked up my gear and head out across another bridge toward PNC park to be picked up by the crew (this included the Dad, the Politician, PT, the Enforcer and my grandparents who live in Pittsburgh.) Seeing the family after the race, I started to feel that awesome feeling everyone talked about. Whether it was my son's "Go Mom Go" cheer or the smile on my grandmother's face or even our race shirts that they had on, I really started to feel a sense of accomplishment.

I can now be known as a RUNNER OF STEEL! 

My top five things I learned from race #5:

1. When going under over passes or through tunnels, some one will always hoot and holler. There is more of this at mile 3 then mile 10 though.
2. Great spectators, great volunteers, and pumping music make miles go by faster! 
3. Even though you line up when the sun isn't up yet, PUT ON SOME SUNSCREEN! 
4. Gatorade becomes a little like walking on fly paper after drying in puddles on the asphalt. 
5. Running is a great way to see a city you love in new way. There are some views that pass by to quickly while driving. With the mountains and bridges, Pittsburgh has some fabulous views!

Walking around the Expo the day before, I almost got caught up in the full marathon fever. I could see myself tackling that hurdle. After finishing the half, I think I'll try it a few more times before considering a full. I made it through this one and recovering wasn't bad at all. I ran again on Tuesday morning, like I usually do. It was a shorter run then normal, but I did get up and do it. 

Projects do seem a little more doable in comparison. I pushed myself and completed a goal. And I'm glad to say I conquered that "I Can't."

(OH! And I didn't loose any toenails! (I know you were worried, haha.) I was a little worried about this after the race. One felt a little funny, but I still have all 10! Whoot!)

I really don't wanna ride the Sweep Bus.

Right, so the Pittsburgh Half marathon is a week and a half away and I am officially freaking out. The fears of getting picked up by the "You're going to slow, we have to reopen the streets" Sweep Bus. I was doing great and training on target until I tripped on the sidewalk (yeah, check out that story here.) The next training day, I was on the last turn of a 2 mile run and a twisted my knee weird and hobbled back home.

I thought it was nothing and a weekend off and I would be fine. Nope. No such luck. No pain while I was talking around, unless I was carrying the Enforcer up the stairs. (An extra 20 lbs on one side does not help with any kind of pain, in case you're curious.) But about half a mile into a run and I was limping. SO, long walks for about a week and then I took another weekend completely off.

I was super bummed. You can ask my sister. She went for a 6 mile run with me that turned into a walk and I was quite frustrated every time I tried to go any faster and was met with shooting pains. I knew I could go faster and farther because I had done it before, but my knee wouldn't cooperate. Before now, I didn't fully understand this state of frustration people would get into when they were forced to do less then their mind had set because of limitations from their body. It has taken me a few weeks to move past the frustration. I realized how much I have come to enjoy running though. Now that I have been forced away from it longer runs. I usually will get up early on Tuesday and Thursday and run a short 2 miles before the Dad goes into work. Those are also the Dad's long days at work and he's not home until around bedtime for the kiddos. Having that half an hour to myself in the morning is what helps me make it through those days. I am so much happier and such a better mom on days I get up and run. The weekends are the same way.

The morning was gorgeous! 

Perfect Drillfield playing weather.
Until the downpour.  

My view while running in Christiansburg. 

This past weekend we were down at Virginia Tech (GO HOKIES) for the spring football game.The game itself ended up getting rained out. Of the couple downpours on Saturday, one of them was right before game time to make them suspend the game (thank you to the kind tailgaters who shared their tent with the kids and me while the Dad got the car) and another about half an hour later. So no game. But we had a really great weekend anyway. On Saturday, I got up and went for a 4.5 mile run. Half of which I walked, but I really wanted to make sure I can stay below the 3.5 hour time limit for the half. For the marathon, you need an average pace of 13:42 minutes per mile to be able to finish and that's what I was pushing for. I would really like about an average of about 13:30/mile though as long as it stays about 16/mile I can finish. I had a little bit of knee pain, but nothing like it was before. And if I keep a faster pace, I had almost no pain. It was the starting and stopping that hurt more. SO I guess that means I just need to push faster next weekend!!

I am glad I have been able to get back out and run outside. I enjoy it so much more then running on a treadmill. I can do about half and hour on the treadmill, but after that I  get really bored really fast.

This weekend is my April run, Marsh Madness in Grasonville, MD. It's a trail run at the Chesapeake Bay Environmental Center and as long as it doesn't run it is "shore" to be beautiful. Here's to hoping for  no rain and no knee pain!!